Working On Living Life To The Fullest

-It is Friday … thank goodness it’s Friday … or TGIF as many Americans say.

-Steve got home early this morning around 12:30 a.m. from his second job … I was already in bed and sawing some logs before he arrived.

Today we will probably look at a new cell phone plan from Verizon, and not from AT&T.  Steve and I both have been interested in the iPhone – but upon review of (1) the cost of the phones at $199.99 each, plus the cost of the monthly plan with 700 minutes and internet access being around $160.00 – we’ve decided to fore go the iPhone and stick with just the regular cell phones of Verizon.  Besides that, in the Duluth area of Minnesota where we live AT&T only has 2 G service where Verizon has 3 G service and will be upgrading to 4 G service next year – so if we decide to ever add “emailing” or some other feature – Verizon is faster and for right now – cheaper.

After that, we’ll probably head into the big city – to do some shopping, maybe catch a movie today or tomorrow, have a mid afternoon lunch and then come back home.

Today is supposed to be partly sunny. Patchy dense fog early in the morning. A 20 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms in the late morning and afternoon. Highs 72 to 77. West winds 5 to 10 mph becoming south in the late morning and afternoon.

So we’ll take it and make the most of the day.

-It seems over the past few days – that I’ve reflected on the past .. but today, I want to say that each of us only has a few short years on this planet.  Gay men now live just five years less, on average, than women, closing a gap that once approached eight to ten years. Male life expectancy is in excess of 75 years.  So it certainly is important for us to enjoy and cherish every minute of this life that God has given us.

Here are a few tips for doing just that:

1. Don’t spend the present time dwelling on the past or thinking of the future – because you have no promises for tomorrow.  Just live for today.
2. Change who you are and to heck with the rest of the world.  Guys, if you don’t like or can’t accept what you see in other people, then by all means change who you are.
3. Definition: Ego … the self especially as contrasted with another self or the world.  My advice, take your ego out of your relationship with your partner. You see, without ego, jealousy will never find a foothold in your relationship.
4. Once in a while – take a break from the routine of keeping your body looking like a finely tuned machine and eat ice cream.  Enjoy 15 minutes of life, every so often – just don’t do it to excess and you’ll be fine.
5. If you haven’t already done this, by all means love yourself.  Steve will tell you – I’m terrible at this.  This is most definitely an area that I – need to improved upon 100%.  As you learn to love yourself, you’ll find it much easier to love others.  Now I’m kind of the opposite – I truly love others, but sometimes I don’t love me.
6. Take time to read a good book, now and then as you have time.
7. If your partner doesn’t mind – and I don’t know why he would … eat some fresh whipped cream and strawberries off his chest at least once.  I think that’s kind of erotic and sexy … and maybe you guys will to.
8. Here is one thing that I think is super important in life, and it is simply this … don’t do the things you don’t like.  If you hate your job, quit it as soon as you’ve found a replacement job. I’m 100% serious. Life is to darn short, to be sitting at XYZ Company for 35 years doing something you just absolutely hate!
9. If your single then love those times.  If your partnered then love those times.  Love life.
10. Don’t spend every swinging day saying, “Gosh I regret “ my mistakes in life”.  You’ve made em, now learn from em, and get on with life. Don’t get stuck in the darn old mud of life.
11. You in the shower with your partner … maybe you’ve never taken him in … do yourself and your partner a favor and drop the soap.  He’ll enjoy it and you’ll enjoy and love will be renewed.
12. Love tomorrow, but accept the world as it is today.
13. Open your mind and then open your mouth and say “Thank you” to someone or perhaps to everyone – today and tomorrow and always.  “Thank you” are wonderful words to use in life – and so many guys don’t ever take the time to say “Thank you”.
14. Smile at people, and most of the time they’ll smile back.  Why not make this a happy life, instead of miserable hated life?
15. If you don’t like the rules that I just typed up above – then throw the darn things our and create your own set of rules.  But whatever you do for yourself – please enjoy this life.  I’m 63, and I can truly say that I’ve enjoy the vast majority of the years that God has given me, and I look forward to many many more.  I hope you do also.

Those are just my thoughts about working on living life to the fullest .. I’m sure you can come up with your own also.

-Lastly … good bye July and tomorrow – hello August.  I hope August is nicer for us in Minnesota was .. July has to be one of the coldest recorded weather months in history.

-Have a great Friday guys!

Get With It

-It seems of late, that I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting as I look out the window of life and I truly find that a bit enjoyable.

I often wonder (even though I see several hundred hits per day on our blog) how many guys read the postings and how is their life going.

Are you, as a gay man living in the world … unhappy with your life?

I would ask you: Could you be happier, then you’ve been?

To make your life happier right now, you may would want to…

• Lose 25 pounds,
• Get a better career or form of employment,
• Connect with a boyfriend,
• See if you can make some new friends,
• Try to have more fun in your life,
• Figure out how you can work less,
• And the list could go on

Once you have some idea of what it is in life that you want, and what might make you life happier … then you can put those items in order of which will have the most benefit on your happiness today – right this very moment.

I’d say that the item that ends up being at the very tip top of your list … should be the item that will give you and benefit you the most in your quest to change your life and to gain new happiness starting today or in the very near future.

If you look at the item that is at the very top of your list, you can ask yourself this really simply question – because I’ve done this in my life.

Why in the heck, haven’t I done something about this before?

Why and I allowing these goofy obstacles that keep coming into my life day after day after day … to hold me back and hamper me from getting this item completed in my life – so I am happier?

After you’ve thought of or written down every kind of excuse that you can think of … the get up and go into the bathroom or the hallway and look in the mirror and simply ask yourself “If I had any idea without all these darn dumb doubts in my mind, that this would work out for me, what would I do to make myself happier?“

Ok…now are you ready for the big finale?

Here it is … that top item and that question you just asked yourself – are the “key” to your new life’s plan.  Simple as that.

Now get off your butt ~ and take this simple action plan and do it..and put your life into the place it should be and make yourself happier!

That’s it guys … on this Thursday morning in July … and I might add the last Thursday in July of 2009 – get moving – become happier.

Get with it!

Thinking About Us

-When you enter into a relationship with another person, there are always going to be conscious or unconscious goals behind our actions and motivations.

As an example, when I put an ad on Yahoo Personals back in late May of 1999 – in the “male for male” portion of Yahoo Personals – my conscious decision at that time was to find a man who I could love and a man who could love me.  Up to that point in time, I’d met a few guys who only wanted sex.  Sure sex is good – but it’s very shallow.  I wanted love, and fellowship and someone to share my time with.

As gay men go, not all are completely devoted to the well being of others in their motivations; each is looking to get something out of a relationship.  Perhaps it is love, or personal comfort, or personal peace of mind and security – and the list could go on.

While there is no “right” reason to be in a gay male / male relationship, some of our goals are more fulfilling than others.  As an example, I like to think that (1) love is important and (2) so is sex.  Number 2 comes, after number 1 and the two compliment one another.

Part of my being in a relationship was so that “I would not be alone in life” which is perfectly common I think.  I’ve never liked being alone – you know without someone. I don’t mind being home alone for a while, but I would not want to live alone.  Life is to darn short to live alone.  But I’ve come to realize, that I have lived in fear of losing my partner or of our relationship’s eventual end.  I don’t think that’s abnormal at all.

There was a time back a few years ago that I worried about being alone.  Steve and I had a very rough event in our relationship and all that time I feared and I thought I might lose him as my partner.  I have to tell you, that was very very real fear!  He and I were not doing very good for a few weeks back during that time period.  Today, with time and understanding of how each of us is as a person – we are doing great.

I like to think that every day now … that I’m in an intimate relationship with Steve – and I trust and feel that he thinks the same of me.  Our past is behind us, and we like many other gay couples have had a few “ups” and “downs” … but I guess that is just life.  I called upon Steve to have a “high calling of friendship first, faithfulness second and love third” … and I haven’t let go of those standards from day one.  My goals have come about over time, and perhaps they’ve shifted and maybe changed a bit over the course of the last ten years … but these are basically them:

1. To experience the world through the eyes of Steve, as much as I can, each and every single day.
2. To grow and evolve personally and spiritually.  Sure, I’m gay – but I’m also a Christian guy and so is he.  Our spirituality is important to us.
3. To share my full self with Steve in a concept of what we humans call love.  To give of myself to him, when he has that need for me to be intimate.
4. To challenge myself to be better today than I was the day before or even back in June of 1999 when we first met.
5. To better understand myself and Steve and my desires and his desires.
6. To express the deepest expressions of love I can with him in all occasions and situations.
7. To learn how to talk more effectively with him … which I have to say from time to time … is harder for me, because I can write and say things in the written word – I just have a problem from time to time verbalizing.  No, I’m not handicapped!   But at times, I’m shy – believe it or not!
8. To laugh and have fun, for the ” unknown ” number of remaining years I have on this earth – with him!

And, if I’m being fully honest:

1. To reconnect love with more sex … because I’m not getting any younger and you gotta get sex while you can.
2. To practice patience and more than that – to practice understanding.  Hey, he’s 36 and I’m 63 – things are not done or understood in the same way for each of us.
3. To exchange some loving bodily fluids … and let him love me and I love him – as long as God gives me breath.  In other words, make love together.

What is it that you, as a gay man really seek in your relationship?

What are your relationship goals?  Do you have any, or don’t you really care or hasn’t it ever occurred to you?

We’d truly love hearing what you have to say.  We’d also appreciate it, if you’d please leave your answers in the comments section of today’s blog posting.

-This much I do know, “I’m always thinking about us“.

Goodbye Brett

-He’s not coming to Minnesota to be a Viking … but I am sure my partner would love to see him … in the locker room shower!

Ultimate Answers

-It’s Tuesday … and the month is fading away faster than grains of sand through an hour glass … as summer is quickly winding down and we prepare to head into what I like to call the third and last month of summer.

Sometimes in life, you have to answer the difficult questions … even though you may not want to …

If …

• If you could decide how to spend your last day alive, what would you do?

I do not know what my life will be on my last day.  As I get older, and as I read the obituaries every day in the local Duluth news paper – the thought does go through my mind.  As I’ve told Steve on a few occasions … when your 63, you realize you have a lot less days ahead of yourself – than you have behind you.  One thing, I just know for certain – that I do not want to spend it alone.  Even though I think about it more frequently now than at any time in my life – I want it to be a day, with Steve close by my side -  that is not sad but I want it to be fun and smiles – a day full of laughter, joy and love.  I’ve had far to many days of sadness for various reasons, which I sometimes think have over shadowed my life – worry about others and trying to help others get by or get through one event after another.  I’m thankful for Steve coming into my life in 1999 ~ and I’d want his every reassuring words to comfort me, and his smile to brighten my view and his embrace to show me his love.  But – I prefer not to know when my last day will be. I would rather it just ends peacefully and quietly … with my partner and family by my side.

• If you could decide what will be written on your gravestone, what would you have inscribed?

I do want a gravestone or headstone as they are called.  I am not sure if I want to be buried the way most people have been or if I want to be cremated and to have my ashes scattered some place. Somewhere like a beach or a park or a place that meant a lot to me.  I don’t even know where that would be.  Steve and I have talked about being buried side by side – but I realized that he will probably be buried some where near his mom and dad in south central Minnesota.  Where people will visit and not feel death but life – instead. I do not want just my family and friends to visit but it will be public so people will always be around. I want it to be a happy place where I can be laid to rest … a place of joy.  I guess I would want written these words: Ambition ruled his mind, determination like his was hard to find.  He was kind, and he had a heart filled with love for those he loved so dearly.

• If you could choose the single most valuable thing you ever learned, what would it be?

You have to be kind in life.  What goes around, comes around. I have seen it so many many many times. You have to be careful how you treat people and what you do and or say to them.  There really is a balance in life, and you need to respect it.

• If you were kidnapped and allowed to telephone one person for one minute only, who would you call?

To me the most logical answer would be call for help.  I think I would call the police.  If I could not call the police I would call Steve.  He would know what to do or at least make me feel safe in a scary horrifying situation.  He would give me strength.

Those are my ultimate answers to these life revealing questions.  Some times it is good to face the hard issues of life, so that when we pass them by – we can truly see the beauty of what life has to offer.

What are yours?