Getting Older Is Good

-I am older at age 62 … and I wonder many times if it is more difficult for me to get older … simply because I’m gay?

I remember years ago, when a friend of mine at work told me that I had a few gray hairs coming in on the side of my head. Instead of realizing I often think that men with some gray hair are sexy and maybe I, too, could have been sexy, but my first thought way back then was to just panic and think I had to color my hair to cover it up.  I actually did that … colored my hair one summer – and low and behold when I went out into the sun – it turned kind of an “orange color”.  So I got a neutralizer or whatever that solution was called … and used it several times – finally kind of restoring my hair color back to normal.

But then I finally came to my senses and remembered that getting older isn’t such a bad thing. I mean after all, it happens to just about everyone who is fortunate enough to live a long life.

As a gay guy, I would worry about getting older even back then – and I still even do that today at age 62 ( well 62 for a few more days ) probably a lot more than my straight friends ever did.

Some guys go to the gym to work out and sweat like pigs, some other guys eat healthier (that’s what I am doing now), and yet some other guys use lotions on their face and body to preserve their skin and keep that youthful look …  and then they worry that they don’t look good enough.  Seems stupid, because the worry alone just causes wrinkles and takes years off our lives.

We are just like women to, we complain we’re too fat or to tall or to short or to this or to that …  and then like dummies, we go eat a big piece of pizza or in some cases half of the pizza and wash it down with a cold beer or as was my case a cold Pepsi.

How dumb!

This I think is a prevailing attitude in the gay men’s circles all over the world.  I mean, you or Steve or I – are no different living here in the Duluth, Minnesota area than we are if we live in Amsterdam or Chicago or San Francisco.  This is especially true among that group of gay guys who primp in front of the bathroom mirror until the cows come home – every single day.  I remember when I was younger … just shaving and trying to get my “sideburns” to be (1) level and (2) equal on both sides of my head … oh my gosh it used to drive me nuts.  I’d spend a half an hour in the bathroom – on just that one part of my morning shave.  It was nuts. There are some gay guys who put everything into their looks and attempt to use that to get ahead in life … you know fashionable clothes, trendy hair cuts, etc. and this list goes on.  But you know something – the day comes when people don’t pay as much attention to us any more.

But all of sudden one day came … when I woke up and realized … geesh, I’m getting older.  My looks started to fade and I looked older ( at least that is how I saw myself ), and I started to have a few serious changes in my looks and my once-flat stomach and 150 pound weight changed.

When I was 52 and putting my male for male ad on Yahoo Personals – looking for a male friend … I kept wondering to myself … is there still hope for me to find a guy to love me and to accept me at age 52?  Oh sure, I could have had a “sexually life” of meeting guys for just sex – but that would get boring after while and was very shallow.

When I wrote my ad on Yahoo – and you can certainly ask Steve about this … I lied in that ad, saying I was “49″ and then after Steve and I met … I tried and tried to hide my true age from him .. in fear he would find out and leave me – because I had not told him the truth about my age.  After all, my thinking was that you’ll pay $19.99 for something – but you won’t pay $20.00 for it.  I thought it would be the same with me … Steve would accept and love me because I was 49, but certainly not if I was 52.  After all 52 was old.  Funny thing is I just heard somebody on television the other morning saying 62 was the new 52 or was it 42?  I don’t remember now.

Was I to old?  Generally speaking I think the true answer was, yes.  I felt ridiculous, the day we sat in the Perkins at the Duluth Miller Hill Mall and had to share the truth that I was three years older than what I really was.  Thank the good Lord – Steve loved me for who I was (or wasn’t) that day and just about every day since that time.  I’m sure he has has some second thoughts … after all I’m not 36 today.

I learned one thing on that day years ago … and that is this … there is really nothing wrong with aging or being older as a gay guy.  Most gay men, I happen to think – tend to age better—assuming they take care of themselves or you’re blessed with good genes, or both.  Steve, is younger than me by 27 years and Steve has a very “boyish” look ( he really looks like he is about 23 years old ) and that is a wonderful human quality to have.  I know a few straight guys who are close to 70 … but I would have maybe thought they were in their mid-50s. There in great shape and they took care of themselves all their lives.

As for the rest of us … well, we have to accept what we have and just run with who we are and make the most of what we have. If you were a handsome good looking guy when you were younger, get over yourself … that’ll change.  When your 62 … it is time for me to realize there’s more to life than just looking handsome.  When I got Facebook, ( and I think this is kind of funny – but also awesome ) some of my old high school girl classmates … when they saw my facial photograph on Facebook – wrote back and said something like “Your a good looking guy” to which I said “thank you” … I appreciated that.  Before I met Steve … I had a few people tell me just about the same thing … “Your a handsome guy”.  Hopefully my life has something, anything, I can be proud of. I’ve come around of late and realized that my life can be great at any age, no matter how I look … and I think the same is true for every one of you.

Ah heck, who am I really kidding?

When I get done with my shower this morning … I’m going to put creamy moist lotion on my face and bald head to keep my skin soft and moist and get on with this Thursday … probably just like some of you. 

Getting older … really isn’t that bad … and as my partner Steve says once in a while … “your not old pal”!  Thanks … and I love you to … for being so kind to me.

Getting older is good.