Experience Life Not Stuff

-Guys are in love with stuff — with shopping, with acquiring, with owning, with collecting.

But I happen to think that we need to lust after life instead.  Now my partner Steve is a collector … of movies and CD’s.  He’s got more movies, then I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

You should see the racks and racks of movies … especially movies having to do with “Horror”.  He’s in love with horror movies!

As gay men, our obsession with stuff has become unhealthy.  At least that is my opinion.  When we have a void or a need in our lives, we buy things.  When we have problems, we buy things.  And these things are becoming more and more expensive, bigger, shinier … more wasteful.  It’s like buying has become our “security blanket” or “comfort items”.

This obsession with stuff leads to owning a lot, having a lot of clutter … and yet this stuff doesn’t fill our lives with meaning.  The pleasure we get from these items is temporary – and in a few days time – we need more and more.

It leads to deep debt for some guys – who buy well beyond their financial means … from buying so much, and needing bigger houses and storage spaces to contain everything. Financially, I happen to think we’re worse off than ever, because of this obsession with stuff.

When I was a kid growing up … here in north eastern Minnesota – my mom and dad were poor.  I mean poor.  They both lived through the great depression, and World War II … and when my dad came home from five years of military service in the war – he and my mom were broke – and from the point forward – with a limited education, they just got by in life … from day to day, and month to month, and year to year.  Never having a lot – but always having their “needs” and never their “wants” provided for.

Today, we buy things when we’re depressed, we buy things for others to show how much we love them … and in this way, stuff has separated us from actually dealing with our emotions, blocked us from truly connecting with others.  In place of caring and loving – I think we have placed “objects” and made them the conduit to other people instead of allowing love to come between us and meld us together.

Let’s replace that lust for stuff with a lust for life.

Some ideas:

• Rediscover a passion for life. Get outside and feel nature, appreciate the beauty of the world around you. Get active, do some gardening or yardwork, play a sport, go for a walk, take a hike, go for a swim, ride a bike. Feel the life coursing through you. Breathe it in. Live your life now!
• Give experiences as gifts, not stuff. Instead of shopping for someone come birthdays or Christmas, think of an experience you can give them instead. A date with you, doing something fun, hanging out, cooking, playing, talking, exploring. A fun time at a park or beach. Something other than the everyday normal old gift. An experience is much more meaningful than an object – and the memory will live on for years way after the gift is broke or worn out.
• Connect with others. In real life. If you haven’t hung out with a friend recently, give him a call and go hang out. Get away from the TV or video game player and take your partner or boy friend outside to do something. Go on a date with your partner. Visit your parents or grandparents or both. And be present while you’re with them — really listen, really be there.  Make it a genuine experience.
• Deal with your emotions. If you have a need to buy things, to shop when you are having emotional issues, be more aware of this. Then deal with the underlying emotions, rather than using shopping as a way to forget about them. If you’re depressed, or anxious, or lonely, deal with those problems first. Find solutions, figure out what’s causing them. Good news: experiencing life, getting active, and connecting with others all help you deal with those emotional issues.
• Disconnect your attachment to stuff. Sometimes I find myself reluctant to give something up, even if I don’t really use it. And that’s when I ask myself, “Why?” What is holding me back from getting rid of this possession? Sometimes, the item has an emotional connection, but then I realize that it’s just an object, it’s not the emotion or the actual source of the emotion. Take a picture of the item, upload it to your computer, and get rid of the object. You’ll feel liberated, because you’ve broken an attachment to a physical object (but saved the memory). If you are attached to an object, figure out why — it’s not healthy in the long run.
• Realize that life, not stuff, is what matters. Objects are just objects — if you lose them, if they get stolen or destroyed … it’s not a big deal. They’re just objects — not your life. Your life is the series of moments that is steaming through your consciousness right now, and how you use those moments and what you fill them with is what truly matters, not what you fill your home with. At the end of this short journey, you’ll look back and remember your experiences, the people you loved and who loved you back, the things you did and didn’t do. Not the stuff you had.

Well guys … those are my thoughts and suggestions on this Friday.

Steve and I are off to his grand mothers tonight and tomorrow – in central Minnesota for her 90th birthday party.  We’ll be returning home on Saturday evening.

There won’t be any blog on Saturday – but we will return on Sunday, July 19th – my birthday!

Have a great Friday.